sweet music of the shores.

I am amazed with the idea of life.
one day you fucked up. One day you are in love.
one day you are messed up with love, but as fergie says love bug comes right back to you.
I never fail to stand up when I fall..
but here you came along.

I have been through deepest heart aches when we started...
but now i am glad that we are getting along together.
Thank you for our little sweet-nothings.
Thank you for the random kisses.
It has been along time when I experienced love-making.
And you know why i am so eager to do it again? it is because i feel it.
I feel you.

My hopes are high again.
I love you babe.
I am waiting for the day that both of us are naked and comfortable.
naked with truth.
naked with our own individuality and still communes with warm stares.
I am so glad you are saying that you missed me.
It means you reciprocate.
One day I want you to ride with me on our trip to escapism.
Let us derive the tunes and ideas of our poetry.
Revive the summer heat when two people needs to go out and have fun under the sun.
Let us be kids running along the shores and have a shower of shoveled sand.
go skinny dipping with the saltiness of the sea and tease each other.
and after playing along, we'll get a rest and hug you, for I want you to feel secured.
and as we sleep we will dream of sand castle as it turns into stones that we can fit in and live in.

Baby i guess I derived already my feelings for tonight.
I love you.
and I am patiently waiting that you will say that too. :)

P.S.
let us dream of tomorrow's offering.

can you hold my hands?

It has been...
random thoughts.
random arguments.
random phrases.
random tales.
random smiles.
random burst of emotions.
random failures.
random success.

It feels like I am saturated with the laughter and sadness that everyday covers.
i don't know why i am experiencing this weird feeling.
I don't know if I am loosing my grip.
and sometimes I am wondering why people flip the coin when they already skip the part of their soon-to-be fortune.

I am making my disclaimer statement... IT IS LIFE IN GENERAL.
i want to bathe in the fountain of rejuvenation...
It feels like I am wounded in many fights...
fight for living.
fight for striving.
fight for speaking.
fight for accusations.
fight for being naive.

but I am still fighting. The spirit is still there.
when it will be time for death.
I am blinded.
I don't know where to run.
will I run to you and be accepted?
and who are the YOUS?
you is so collective in nature. It can be you and others.
I feel succumb about my rantings.
When it will be right?
Do I need to fast forward the events?
should I go slow?
I am doubting now.

I am so afraid.




P.S.
can you hold my hands C?
I am so scared of life.

Kiss me like a little lad.

Hey even with out a word I can tell that you are happy. Genuinely.
and I am hearing this as I extract it from my thoughts unto my head, "your love is like the sun that lights up my whole world... your love is like a river that flows down through my vein, I feel the chill inside. "... I guess that best describes my smile as my fingers type these wonderful words. for I know I feel that. for you of course.

Thank you for the shirt I know it will warm my soul when I'm missing you.
This smile that I wear now will last.. I know it will shatter my physicality for this day.
You made me more happy with the silent thoughts that you left me...
It seems that your grabbing me and telling me that "Alvin stay".
it feels like you need me too. Well maybe I am just assuming the ideology but let me assume and forgive me for that.
Hey I love you. and it was not the same as yesterday for I f eel its greater but tomorrow it'll be better and stronger.

Let me stop my fingers as they tap my devotion for you.

P.S.
take care of our baby.
grr.. I am missing you now.

It has been a long day for me...
I am excited to meet the people who revolves upon the system that you have made.
I know I just got three today...
I got Titong (mark)
I got sabina.
I got twinkle.
well you got me of course.
I am knowing you every inch and as i get closer I can't help wonder how I am to you.
as they say i am doing my struts and shit, but i want to ask how I am?
where am I?
well that is not the question for now...
I want to tell you how wonderful it was to be a part of your world.
I asked them how are you being as a friend. they didn't fail me... they said you are a real person...
I had a journey today. i almost toured around manila and you know what, I did enjoy it.
The journey that I had today let me know you and my self of course.
Dude I am very excited to work out my less expensive gift to you.
I am astonished to the fact that I had to try the things that I haven't gone through.
It makes me feel that I am real.
I am excited.
i am deeply finding out my core.
i am digging through the fire that i used to dream for the past 2 light years.
I am getting to fall in love to my self and next to you.
I feel glad that I have found you in the most random way that I can push my self into.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i won't wish you luck, for you make your own path.
I am telling you to make good decisions in life.
If I'm still here, get your phone and dig unto my name and you know what to click unto thy fingers.
well morning will come unto your eyes today. and another year to celebrate that life has given you sunshine and not shadows.
Remember that you should always touch the light and never be afraid to get burned...
for as you get hurt the deeper you learn.
Risk... you are young not to..
well thank you for letting me me realize my journey...
I am not asking you for a return nor to take my efforts against you.
I want you to be the luckiest person living....
for you have this lovely people besides you...
I must admit that every time I know you it makes me get afraid....
for maybe the next day you would say STOP! or GO!
either ways I am afraid.... but as I lay my foot steps unto your door and how many times I knock I would.
I am not the perfect guy, I may not have the perfect attitude but I must say I am a perfect subject who can adopt change.
I already made up my mind upon the story of looking... for I saw you already... if God would let me unto you... I'll try my best to keep you... I LOVE YOU (and on my second attempt to say this here) no words to tell next...

P.S.
I am happy this day... I am hoping you will like my surprise.
I am not looking for a fancy gift to give you instead I look unto you...
going back to the grounds where you should start and where to boost your wings to soar as you flap your soul unto the amidst of walking the pavements of life.

as You open My surprise.

I walked through the corridors of the office and found myself empty.
I guess I am used to have text messages from someone I am in too..
but you... you don't even know that i might get jealous of the things that you are uttering...
or maybe you are just too comfortable to say those things to me...
but you know what... on my way home I realized that i can no longer find my self flirting again...
i don't know what is with that kiss on that saturday night... You caught me unguarded...
You made me rang the bell of the old alvin.
The Alvin that is romantic...
The Alvin that is full of effort.
The Alvin who doesn't know the word weariness...

and especially the Alvin who appreciates the word selflessness.

i miss that feeling.
but lemme' know you more.
let me do my little surprise...
I'll be glad to do it for you...
and as you open my surprise... I'll let you welcome to my life... and please enter.
and if not that time... maybe next time.
I'll wait... just don't let me get tired...
for I only get tired if you will give me reasons to be.

Hey I LOVE YOU.
this is the first time I'll tell you this. Too bad you were not reading this the moment I post this.
but let me be secretive to you... and that is something new to me. :)

P.S.
again...you will not know this for because I won't tell you.

Realization in a jeepney ride.

I saw that...
Love patiently waits.
Love does not need label.
Love does not need places.
Love does not know gender.
Love does not know collision.
Love does not know time.
Love does not know weariness.

I am on my way home with my good friend Allan and I saw two friends of mine.
It has been a year til' I saw them together again.
Smile light up my face.
then I suddenly have this thought... Crap! It has been along time since they have been like that.
It struck up on me... they are not telling (or I am so yesterday with the news) what are they now, their status or grr... there is no way to say this, are they together... i don't play gossip girl upon my blog but I realized Love does not label...
I took LRT as my mode of transportation going home this night and I've been with them... It was nice to see them again... their sweet nothings, the body language and especially the route of my friend going to her girl's place... I suddenly realize that love does not know weariness for my friend looks so tired she even slept on our jeepney ride going to our city... and you know what... I guess the other girl reciprocates with her efforts... I think she already gave in with her whispers in the cold air this night. I suddenly realize Love does not know gender...
and as we bid our goodbyes, for we rode a different tricycle, i have this thought... Love does not know time, for even how late she'll go home, she will still pursue and express her love... and as she expresses her devotion to this girl, she proves that love does not know places....

Well as I stepped in the door of our home... I asked rather realizing that Does Love dont know collision? I am happy today because of you... but, see there is still buts... but I should thank you for my two friends... you inspired me to pursue love... as I say to this person... "tell me when to stop, but I still want to see you the next day, the next day of the next days, the days of the next weeks, the days of the next months... til' you stay STOP!".

I must say I am in love...
hope you can read this. but I won't tell you how to.

pain reliever.

I am in a complete dilemma...
I can't see the good Alvin who can decide whether to love or to love unconditionally...
I can't see him anymore..
where was he when i needed him...
where was I??
i have been spending two years of not having a good relationship...
I always fucked up every inch until I cant even get out of drowning him...
I want to save him from damnation...
God why am I having this situation...
I need love... but am I not loving myself anymore....
I forgot where did I left his shoes that he used to wear ...
I need to find him... I need to find myself...
where is Alvin?
he is drowning in pain the pain that he created out of hatred... revenge...

He used to find good-looking persons to compensate what he has...
but is that the answer...
I talked to him in the dark...
he said he's finding that person to stop his cravings from flirting other person when he is in a relationship...
well i asked him... did you ever find that guy?
he answered he thinks so...
where was that person?
he said... having another guy...


I know I am in pain...
but i like that person...
wish me luck...
Lord I am swearing...
grant my wish... and am swearing to love and love unconditionally...
no more side dishes...
no more online shits...
just me and that dream...

ayoko na...
I want Alvin back...
I want my self back...
No pretending... no more pending... no more exes on my head...
I want to see myself deeply in love again... that's a dream... that I want to fulfill...

and for you... my secret person...
I like you... I want to know you more...
I am pushing but not competing with your guy...
I want to be my self when I'm with you...
let me do it without anything in return just your kisses that are holding me in...
don't give me hopes...
just give me time to know you...

and for tomorrow... a new Alvin will arise...
I will start to fix my self...
pieces by pieces... step by step...
from Sahara I'll plant trees...
from Petronas I'll start building a small house...
from songs that I used to listen...I don't feel anything anymore...
I'll be listening instead to Unwritten by natasha bedingfield to start a new me...
rejoicing life... rejoicing Positivity...

P.S.
I'll be close to you God...
ipapakilala ko sya sayo... like the old times...
I want you to be a witness in our relationship... til that person says yes....

don't cry while walking

Last night after taking my review subject, me and my friend went to a choral concert of our very own Mapua Concert Singers. It was astonishing. It was great. After the surprises that the choral made, the alumni members and the current members gathered together again like the old times. Well they sang their version of 'kailangan kita'. My friend, a photographer, said "let's go to the front", but as we walk in the amidst of the theatre, i suddenly stoppedd and listen to the choral singing. There i was, stuck with the idea of drowning myself again for the idea that I should stop.

It has been a year and so, but I can still forget that idea...
No! you know it was a dream and I can't believe I said the
word WAS... yes let's say it should be WAS...
I found myself almost crying last night because of You!
I want to tell myself "You fool! wake up. You guys already cut the ties".
I caught myself listening to melancholic melodies and lingering every words they uttered.
If my fingers can reach you... It well tell you that I've been reminiscing the very few places that we stepped in. I made it as a landmark and photographed it unto my head.
I know... tell me I am a fool... it came to a point that the tides subside on your part and now it is my turn to mourn...
It feels like I am in a funeral and tearing over a wonderful Saturday that we will go to mall... You'll drive me up.. open up my door when I am going down... I'll choose clothes for you... you know I love styling you up... we will cook together... eating dinner at my place that will soon be OURS... but I dont know... maybe i should stop leading that next chapters...
Maybe I'll write again with my tear drops as my ink...

By the way I saw you the other night... I dont want to say hi for it may lead me broke... broke from your attention.. good thing you did that too... or maybe your good... and acquired the skill of leaving me along the suburbs with nothing on my hands but the pieces of us and the promises that we both ruined...

I admit it is my fault...that is why I am ending us now...
Today and this evening, I will find myself...
Don't let me see you... for i will hold your hands until the next chapters come true...
Well if you dont show up, wish me well for I will find a big black hole and leave Uno...

P.S.
I miss US!
I love you... it stayed here evert since...