What's Enough.

Screaming turns into silence.

silence turns to bleeding.

When ringing turns to smoking.

Full turns to empty ...

from empty turns to full.

I would want to start what happened for the past three months... but that's not how it starts.

My thoughts baffled my fingers.


I have to say...

Breaking up is different when you grow up... grown up.

Responsibility over tears.

Moving on should be as fast as how you spend your dime.

That's how I define my time.

You have to walk an never look back but you can close your eyes


The smiles

touch

gazes


I don't have to question if it is fair.

Sometimes I have to leave the asking and let it heal without the answers.


P.S. (my longest one)


And to you... I don't have to tell you the stories... my side of the story.

I should have blame you how hard I try to make it burn.

I got tired of filling the cup with my own blood.


Credits, the part when people thinks the curtain of the movie house closes.

My favorite part...

It's when I try to tell you something.

If you said you had focus you should have seen that...

I'm not crying nor bleeding.

I losing...





myself.



For now I have to find it again holding my left hand.

Wish me luck 'sir'.

Sometimes You Have To Say It And Show It.

I want to start by saying happy anniversary my love...
It has been 5 years since I have not said that.
It was a wonderful journey being with you for One year of being officially together... but I cherished most is the first four months of being with you unofficially and officially...

Yes... I miss you even if I am always with you.

I miss that time when you said, "kinikilig ako".
I miss that time when you said, "bakit kaylangan pa ng 3 months, e mahal mo naman ako, pero sige rule mo yan eh (magaantay ako)".
I miss the times you greet me "happy monthsary, nakalimutan mo no? (with a smile)"
I miss the way you say "pagod ka ba sir sir gusto mo bang puntahan kita and samin ka na lang matulog?"
I miss your text that says "good morning, Kumain ka na ba? wag mong kakalimutang kumain ha" and "Gumising ka na. Wag kang magpapalate ha."

I also miss...

...the way you kiss me and passionately showing your intimacy towards your body language and you feel like releasing the romance and hug me after with out any inhibitions.

...the way you listen to me and react on what I say. You know that I always listen to your thoughts and point of view regarding on the said topic that I just bring out.

...you being out spoken of your future plans with me and thus making it somehow concrete by setting and giving some examples.

...and lastly updating me every time any time with long text messages and some "XD".


I am not complaining but I just wonder sometimes why not AGAIN...
Why not utter and show that YOU again?
I sometimes wonder...
do I look bad already?
Am I not that cute anymore?
Am I not passionate from before?
Am I showing something/s you don't like and thus I deserve this?
Am I not loveable anymore?
...Or maybe you are just busy.

It has been great being in love with you and I hope you know that.
I am on my knees to have someone like you before and never expected you were just there. You were my answered prayer. I never expected to be with someone I already know for the past 6 years of being 'just' friends with you.
I am really happy you found me and heard me crying that time when I needed someone.
You saved me and eventually catching me when I fell for you.
I love you... salamat at walang katapusang salamat.

P.S.

I hold my tears last night...and now while writing this.
Sorry for disappointing you in the car.
I feel ashamed.
Anyhoo happy anniversary my love we turned a year and looking forward to share more snap shots with you... cheers for many years to come. :')

6 and beyond.

I am back.
This time I want to share how worthy is the word patience when it comes to love.
It started with two individuals who doesn't give a damn.
A few years later fate just gave them a WHAM!
It was blessing in disguise as they say.
But this time it ain't child's play.

You know where did I come from.
You know how crazy can I become.
You know when did I become gruesome.
But You don't know yet that I don't give my heart with 'just' some.

Everyday is a sunny day.
Everyday I look forward for Saturday.
Everyday I pray...to make your heart stay.
Stay... just like everyday.

I won't make this long.
You know where my heart belong.
You make me believe that time is, was and will never be wrong.
Just make me remember, on the third of the month we celebrate how we are so strong. :)

P.S.
Can you imagine six months? I never Imagined you'll step close to this.
I'm kidding.
I<3U

Dawn-tWo-Dark

I came to cross the land from the other side.
Seems like the clouds stops and stares at me...and somehow reminding me to STOP.
It froze.
I left the other side of me and as I fly, he is patiently waiting...
Until I conquer what's with the pouring rain.
There were a lot of drama, blood that I dropped and it feels like I need to PAUSE.
It wasn't the dreamland that I have been thinking of as of now, I am flying to the motion of the propeller.
I needed to clear the issues for and to my self.
I love you for now and I will expect that when I get back.
I wish to see how we laugh again and to see victorious over my fears.

P.S.

As for now I will rest from my pillow and wishing my head resides yours when the day blinks,
then say PLAY

-(6/10)




As I reiterate the fair, you always save this lad as you flap your wings in the air and the speeding bullets are no match from your flair.

I feel like we are not in the same blood line, for you are a demigod and I just work on my filthy nod.

I have never Imagined your strength . The distance maybe miles away but the radiation makes me sway.

I maybe caught dumb-founded with your perfect love and trust that I will never put it in to rust.

.... HE gave me a bump to my head and told me "Son do not be a fool not to realize how swift his heart, how his heart would be as tough as a steel and how warm it is."

As I pray from above, he sent you like a dove.
He never gave me a message instead a passage to give you freedom as you please but if you ask me, honestly, I don't want to let thy release.

As per the people:

"Heroes have to save the day"... and I am not that lame to make you stay.

Soar high...HIGHER.

P.S.

I will wait for the month of May where all heroes chooses a place to lay...
From then I will wait for that day.

-(6/12)

It pours.

what was you need is not you want.
I am trying to look back how I were before...
from trashy, classy and now I don't know where I am going but as how I look back I always see how far I am going.
It has been a great course of how bumpy it was and I couldn't tell how were everything went but one thing I am sure, I learned and learning as they pass by.

I turn the pages and I laugh, I cry and hiding from my pillow from being ashamed of my self. It is surely funny.
I caught myself being on blank pages thinking from somewhere deep inside.
The pain, the joy and embarrassing times and as I look at this page, which has fears, hopes and full of passion to look forward for tomorrow.

I wasn't imagining, sadly it is true but I am happy I wasn't dreaming after all.

I must say I haven't been a good boy.
I am more being a naughty one but he has always strive to get up after a fall.

Here I am in front of you.

Prepared.
impaired.
crumpled.
used.
shared.
Giving.
grieving.
Passionate.
wounded.

and...
Ready to face the challenges that I might face (1)

If they only knew how my eyes sparks when I see you before, I hope our friend, which is my ex that you really knew, won't read this, I would be on red face and waving my white flag and say I know you caught me staring.

It was a crazy route of how we met and asking myself aren't you my boyfriend, I am just teasing.
Yeah I called 911 to rescue my from heart attack from making this heart bigger every time I don't talk and wishing to say, "why just now... I have been waiting".
It started from a kiss turned to soul feeding and turned to where we are from now.

I didn't imagine how it really started and been stated by fate but our lips turned to touch and lingers to each other.
God I thank alcohol for being drunk that time and made me float like a smoke freely lingers to my skin as how I touch yours.

I admit I was doubtful but you shun my hands as you put it into my eyes that should be blinded and be guided by your scent that pushes me everyday.

Crazy and cranky.
sweet and salty.

I always asked you from last year's and didn't saw it coming that you were there all along... six years and counting.

You tied my hands from the back and now promising not to backtrack for because you were shining above the rest and never imagined you were coming from my side and been there in front of me all this time.

Remember how we tease each other that we were mumbling on the side and said " ehem as if we are close", funny isn't it how it twisted.

til' that time came that my eyes wasn't crying but my soul's bleeding you stand by me and the words "okay lang yan, labas mo lang".
I wasn't aware it somehow started there... another story of a little lad trusting his head again as it leans to another man.

Movie it was and I was shaky of being there and came late but you stood there and waited. After couple of drinks after that night, I really wish to touch my hand to your face and say you are more than wonderful.

Then next is being in the same address as yours, funny isn't it as i lay my fingers to the pen and stroking my tax pay to your doorstep. Ha ha, and now I am really laughing.
Then the patience was there again and giving a dainty food on the table of a fast food chain that I can't really resist.

Then the next time was the question that I don't want to hear but wishing to be spoken by your lips.... "what are we?". I swear I was in my blushed cheeks.

Then the challenge of how we keep our clique wonder what was with us as we wander every town while holding hands to each other and sing til' the world ends.

Then I finally broke my rule as you patiently waiting to my affirmation.
I was like at awe and a bit teary as I say Yes to you.
I admit I can't really help it.

It was never boring to be with you. I always thought of losing my thoughts being shared by a tasteful conversation... it never did even if I stop talking it kept coming and as I stop you talk and bite my lips and wanting to tell "you are more than smart to me".

As I almost forget the day we officially noted our day and wanting to surprise you, you left me at awe as you pick up the chocolate cake and said "happy first month". You didn't know how you make me feel happy and contented.

I love you and will stop writing for now...


P.S.

(1) You are a challenge that I will keep as long as you wish to stay and will never ever wish you to leave.
I love you might be not enough for as I close this chapter of me for now... I will open another day with you again and will kiss another day as it comes pouring.

wipe your tears

There comes a time that a little boy no more becomes a kid again.
It pains to say that I have been dumb founded by being so kind and not seeing the other side of it.
They say keep it low but sometimes I want to burst the feeling of sarcasm, anger and pain. All I did was shivering to the side. vented out but it seems to be as shallow as it gets.
Sometimes I wonder, is being good means bad to other people?
I sometimes regret what I did, but I think I did the right thing.

I love my job and it pays me well. I feel like crying but it is unnecessary to do so.
Then comes taps on your shoulder saying, Alvin is a lovable boy.
It made me smile that time. What made me more smile is "Let's eat after work, tell it to me". I smiled and realized, it pays to be good. It gives you more blessings.

I wish to the universe that all the pain that I have right now will be at ease.
All the sufferings will be lifted.
It will be at peace.
As you see the glimpse, the other side is a smiling nymph.
As she prays for you and you pray together it will be a bliss.

P.S.
Thank you even if you can't or don't read this.
Patience is your virtue.
and for readers I'll keep you updated from now on :)

"REEL me" by Alvin Melgar on LOOKBOOK.nu

"REEL me" by Alvin Melgar on LOOKBOOK.nu: "crazy
+
Cranky
+
bitchy"